When The World Doesn't Need You
by Queen Gina
Summary: Sebastian meets Santana again after many years. They pick up their relationship where it left off, which is perhaps not the best idea. A companion story to Do You Feel Like A Man.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N This is a companion story to Do You Feel Like A Man? It is not necessary to read that if you want to read this. I hope you enjoy!**

When people thought of Sebastian Smythe the word 'kind' rarely came to mind. Nice, certainly, Caring, possibly. But not kind. Secretly, however, he was on a quest to be kind. Not to everyone, of course, that would be ridiculously optimistic. But there was a certain person he wanted to please.

Ben was kind. And nice and caring and downright perfect. He was a model Sebastian had met at a party for rising stars. Instantly they were together. Meant for each other, their friends would say. Couldn't be apart for more than a moment. But they hid their love like any self-preserving couple in hollywood to avoid the public eye. But nevertheless, the public found out. Yet they persevered, ignoring the cameras, waiting for the media to find some other scandal to latch onto. But suddenly Sebastian shot into the mainstream spotlight again and everyone forgot the name of his beautiful boyfriend.

Ben was kind, nice, and caring but even he hid his jealousy of his boyfriend. Each time Sebastian was pictured doing a mundane activity in a tabloid or was recognized in the street Ben grew slightly more distant. Sebastian didn't understand what he was doing wrong. He was trying to be kind and nice and caring. He listened to Ben. He held him on the bad days and kissed him on the good days. Yet Ben wasn't home as much and called him less when he was at work.

But then something amazing happened that dashed all problems from Sebastian's mind.

"Hey Claire, what's up?" it was his agent calling - strange for her to do so early in the day. He hoped nothing was wrong.

"I've got some news for you." She sounded chipper, but then again she always sounded chipper.

"What is it?" A seed of worry had buried itself in his chest.

"A theater company from Chicago called me." She paused. Sebastian allowed himself to hope. Chicago. "They want you to play Sweeney Todd."

"For publicity?" he asked.

"That what I gathered. Have a press tour and such." Claire, being the agent that she was, didn't intend her words to hurt Sebastian. She wholeheartedly thought that being recruited for publicity was what Sebastian wanted. That it meant he was getting famous. But he felt the opposite. He doubted that this company had actually heard him sing. Sure, they knew he could, he had talked about it in enough interviews. But it remained that this theater company wanted him for his fame, not his talent.

"Sebastian?" Claire's voice cut through his thoughts.

"Yes?"

"Will you do the job?" That was new. Before his new break he had to take anything he was offered. But now an option. His mind went straight to Ben. He couldn't leave him, could he? But the stage, oh how he missed the stage...

"I'll have to talk it over with Ben." He could hear Claire smile. She had always liked Ben. Everyone always liked Ben. Ben was perfect.

"OK, but get back to me soon?" Sebastian assented and listened half-heartedly to Claire's daily update on his life. While he listened he thought about how to broach the subject with Ben.

* * *

Ben was sitting patiently with his coffee. Sebastian paced back and forth, trying to form words. Ben said nothing. Sebastian loved that about him. He was eternally patient, always willing to listen. He was perfect. Sebastian stopped abruptly and sat across from his boyfriend.

"I got a job offer," he began. Ben continued to listen. "It's for a theater company in Chicago." Ben smiled.

"A theater gig, you're dream job. That's wonderful."

"I know, but it's in Chicago, far away from here. You. And they don't really want me for my talent, just my fame." Ben grabbed his hand.

"Who cares why they want you? Do it and prove how great you are. And don't worry about me, it's not forever, and it's not like we won't talk." Sebastian smiled, utterly in love. He couldn't believe that he had once thought he was better than everyone else when there was someone so selfless, so perfect in existence.

"I love you," he said in response.

"I love you too." It was constantly surprising to Sebastian that he could elicit such a response from so angelic a person.

* * *

Claire came over on Sunday to discuss the details of the week and how the move would affect his schedule. As it was, there were four months before he had to be in Chicago. Plenty of time to visit and find a suitable apartment and schedule all of his interviews to promote the musical and the movie he had coming out and attend the premiere and get a new tux for that and get a vocal coach to revitalize his vocal chords and, of course, spend plenty of time with Ben.

Sebastian knew all of this, but listened to Claire intently anyway. He wanted to make sure he had as much time with Ben as possible. Claire had synced his schedule with Ben's agent, so there was no way he would be lacking in time. Of course, he was always lacking in time.

"So this week you're not really up to anything but that interview Wednesday night." Claire finished.

"So plenty of time to fuck Ben," Sebastian said, smiling at the thought.

"In the evening, yes, but during the day ben has a shoot all week." Sebastian's smile faltered for a moment, he had forgotten about Ben's career. But then he brightened again. He had a model boyfriend who he got to be with for seven nights a week. I twas a dream come true.

* * *

Sebastian stroked the smoothly muscular back of his gorgeous boyfriend. Today he was going to Chicago to find an appropriate apartment. While he hated to go without Ben, there was no way he could have taken him with. Ben had a shoot and Sebastian could handle it alone. Theoretically. He leaned over and kissed Ben's ear.

"Mmmmmmmm," Ben mumbled, trying to look at Sebastian blearily.

"Morning sleepy." Sebastian said, softly kissing ben's perfect lips.

"Morning," he responded groggily. "You leaving?" he asked gesturing to Sebastian's clothed body.

"Yea... I'll see you in two days, alright?"

"Mmmmmmmm. Have fun. Pick something with a nice bed for when I visit." Sebastian smiled and kissed Ben again as he fell back asleep. He started at his beautiful boyfriend one last time before he was out the door.

"So how was your night?" Claire asked as he clicked the car door shut. "

Fabulous, as any night with Ben is," Sebastian replied as he settled into the car.

"You know, they say absence makes the heart grow fonder, but I don't really think you two could be any more fond of each other."

"I suppose," Sebastian said, trying not to think about his time away from Ben. "It's only for a few months, then everything will be back to normal."

* * *

Sebastian walked into the upteenth apartment that day. This wasn't right either. None of them were right! He sighed and told Claire this. She sighed too and went to talk to the realtor. A stuffy man who kept grumbling about how he was being "too picky". Well he deserved to be picky. He was paying through the nose for an apartment in downtown Chicago and he wasn't going to settle for something he didn't feel comfortable in.

Claire came back and said the realtor was about to burst a blood vessel, so they were going to be taking a break for lunch. Claire wanted to go to a shop across the street, but Sebastian wanted to explore the city. Claire "wasn't wearing the shoes" for that so they separated. So Sebastian wandered.

After about twenty minutes and an autograph later he rounded a corner and was greeted with a sight he never thought he'd see again. Santana Lopez. Standing upright with a very business-like suit that she somehow pulled off as sexy. His mouth twitched in a smile as he remembered his relationship with Santana. He wondered if she'd repressed it yet. He pondered whether or not to approach her. On the one hand, she might slap him and storm off, on the other, she might be a friend in a new city. Just as he was about to decide, his phone rang.

"Sebastian, the realtor says he thinks he's found the perfect spot, but you have to come now."

"What? Why would I have to come now?" He stared at Santana, wishing that she would just come this way...

"I dunno, because he's an annoying prick who wants you gone? Just come!"

"OK, fine." He stared at the ground as he listened to the address, avoiding looking at Santana. His window of opportunity had closed.

But oh, was it worth it. The apartment was - as the realtor had said - perfect. The style was beautifully modern, but not to the point that it was uncomfortable. The counters were dark granite and the cabinets starkly white. The living room was filled with white plush chairs with pops of red pillows. Everything was versatile and elegant. There was a guest room and some bathrooms and a dining room, but Sebastian's real joy came in the master bedroom. A closet lined one wall, with the bed against the opposite. Ah the bed, layer upon layer of fluffy mattress and covered with the biggest comforter Sebastian had ever seen. Laying down on it for a second sold him completely. Of course, he was going to pay more than anyone else in the building, but he didn't care. This was what he wanted. No, needed. Claire warned that it wasn't very close to the theater, but he didn't care. All he could think about was fucking Ben on these sheets. But Ben wouldn't he there, he reminded himself. But he would visit, of course he would. Weekends would be for visits. And fucking. Yes, that sounded perfect.

A wrinkle in this wonderful plan came as he remembered Santana. Seeing her today could have been a freak occurrence, but he also might bump into her again once he lived here. He remembered their high school relationship quite clearly, regardless of whether or not she had repressed it. She had been his release, a way to tame the monster inside him. Without their adventures, he would have seriously hurt someone. Since he had met Ben his urges had all but disappeared. He no longer woke up at night, covered in sweat and filled with the need for pain. He hoped that feeling wouldn't return with Santana.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N trigger warning for consensual sexual violence.**

**I finally updated! Sorry it's been so long. Hope you like it!**

Ben wasn't there when Sebastian got home, which wasn't surprising as it was the middle of the day, but it made Sebastian sad nonetheless. He needed Ben. His last day in Chicago had been uneventful, but his encounter with Santana still haunted him. He hadn't slept well in Chicago, but at least his former urges stayed at bay.

He sat down on his couch and switched on the tv, waiting for Ben to get home.

* * *

"Hey," Ben said, walking through the door. He dropped his bag on the floor and plopped down next to Sebastian.

"Hey, how was work?"

"Fine, it was all day in the sun though, I think I got burnt." Sebastian noticed the red line creeping from where his shirt was hiked up.

"Well it's just not work if it doesn't hurt," he said, smirking.

"Shut up," Ben said, shoving him a little. "How was apartment searching, painful enough to earn a paycheck?"

"Almost, but I found the perfect one, the decoration is phenomenal, though I think I forgot to check if there was a bed…" Sebastian joked.

"I'm sure we'd find a way to make it work." Ben's smirk was enough to lead to an eventful evening fit for any self-respecting adult website.

* * *

The following months were much the same as the day he got back. Sebastian had a few interviews and press things to promote the show, but it was mostly waiting for Ben to come home, then enjoying their time together in a rather acrobatic manner.

Sebastian's impending job was a source of great elation and great stress. He couldn't wait to sing again, he hadn't in so long and in Chicago and on stage! It promised to be amazing. But since the moment he had seen Santana he couldn't get rid of the feeling that their paths would cross again. An encounter with her could be disastrous not only for his relationship with Ben, but for his life.

When he first met Santana, he had been experiencing what his mother called a 'rather unpleasant period'. It was her nice way of commenting on his obsession with causing pain. Sebastian had the sneaking suspicion that his mother had been terrified of him, but that was another story. But the violence was getting out of control. He had begun to cause serious harm to people, like Blaine.

But then he and Santana had begun their 'relationship'. Somehow, he couldn't quite remember, he had convinced her to sleep with him in a violent, potentially dangerous way. He could have had any boy in town, but something had drawn him to Santana. It was probably her inability to admit was happening to anyone. At least, that's what he told himself.

Regardless of the reason, Santana had become his go to for relief from his violent urges. Sometimes, he regretted the marks he gave her, or the things he made her miss, but then he reminded himself that she kept showing up, no matter when he asked her to.

Of course, he hadn't seen or spoken to her since high school. They had made that very clear when they graduated. He even planned a special night to thank her.

And then he met Ben. The best thing to ever happen to him. Not only did his urges vanish but Ben made him a better person overall. Everything was better now, and the warning his father had given him was slipping from his mind. He remembered them vividly now.

_"Son, you have to listen very closely to me." The young Sebastian nodded, confused. "In your life there will come a time when you realize the world doesn't need you." Sebastian became more confused. "When that time comes, you have to do what's best for the world. Do you understand?" Sebastian shook his head. His father looked at him grimly, "One day you will. Just as I have."_

Those words had haunted him since the day of his father's death. He had told a total of three psychologists about it and they had all said the same thing: your father was a very sick man. He didn't mean what he said. But Sebastian knew his father better than that. His father had these 'rather unpleasant periods' as well. He knew because of the scars his mother bore to this day.

But none of this mattered anymore. He had Ben. His savior. He didn't know what he would do without him.

* * *

Sebastian's last night with Ben was magical. Not only was there a healthy amount of fucking, but there was movie watching and cuddling and even some pizza. It was all so good that Sebastian threatened to call off going to Chicago several times.

But in the morning he left with a goodbye kiss from Ben and a schedule from Claire.

The plane ride was dull, the taxi to the apartment nauseating, and the move-in experience was boring. The first entertainment he got was his tour of the stage. The stage itself was pretty normal. There were seats, lights, sound equipment and other standard things. The real excitement came when he met the rest of the cast and crew. Most of them were kind, but he could tell they didn't think he could sing at all. Until he saw Brittany.

"Sebastian!?" he heard from behind him. He turned around to be greeted with an instant bone crushing hug from what he could discern as a blonde. When she stepped away, he recognized her.

"Brittany, it's good to see you again," he said, straightening his jacket.

"It's so wonderful to see you, you're not a robot are you? I thought you might be because Santana said you had gone off to sea and they had made a robot version of you." Brittany's eyes were as big as he remembered.

"No, of course not. I'm sure Santana was joking."

"Oh good. I can't tell if she's being serious sometimes." Brittany smiled at him expectantly.

"Ok, well, I think it's time for lunch and I have to go and find someplace to eat." Sebastian began walking away, trying to avoid all further conversation that might lead him to Santana.

"Oh! You've gotta come and have lunch with San and I. It'll be like a big reunion! Plus you don't know where to go and we have the best place. I'm sure she'd love to see you!" Something rash took a hold of Sebastian and he agreed. He smiled cockily as they walked out the door and remembered the last time he had spoken with Santana

Brittany hailed them a taxi and took them to a charming cafe where he could just see Santana and another lady inside. Cruel thoughts began to enter Sebastian's mind, try as he might to ignore them. They entered the cafe.

"Hello, ladies," Sebastian said, interrupting what sounded like a discussion about him. "I hope you don't mind me joining you for lunch. I'm new in town and Brittany was so kind as to save me the toil of finding a place for lunch by myself."

"We only asked for a table for three," Santana spat. Sebastian noted the ire in her voice and tried to remember why she would be mad at him, they had parted on good terms after all.

"I'm sure I could scrounge up another chair, or if you'd prefer you could sit on my lap," Sebastian answered. Grinning at their secret endeavors.

"Actually I'd prefer you were kneeling," Santana responded, glaring at him. m

"Come on, Snix," Brittany said as she sat down next to Santana, "Don't be so harsh on him, he's not our rival anymore. He's our friend! Right, Sebastian?" The rational Sebastian made a note to thank Brittany later.

"Best friends." Sebastian smirked as Brittany clapped in the excitement of gaining a new friend.

"Here's a chair for you, sir," a waiter said, placing a chair between Santana and the other girl's. Sebastian could see the discomfort in Santana's eyes. "Are you ready to order?"

As the group placed their lunch orders, Sebastian could feel Santana's eyes on him. He was glad he had chosen this outfit for today. Tight jeans that Ben struggled to take off, a nicely fitted gray shirt and a tailored peacoat that he took off slowly to remind Santana of their adventures.

"Like what you see?" Sebastian remarked. Somewhere, his adult brain was screaming at him to leave this place immediately, but he didn't seem to be able to do it.

"I was just wondering why your stylists let your famous ass step out into the real world looking like such a prick," Santana retorted. Sebastian ignored her.

"So, when do I get to be introduced to this lovely woman." He turned to the new girl, hoping that she would bring some rational sense into the conversation.

"That's Morgan," Brittany offered, clueless to the fire between Santana and Sebastian. "She works at the law firm with Snix." She rubbed Santana's arm. Sebastian was rather impressed, he had never expected Santana to leave Lima, nevermind become a lawyer.

"You're a lawyer? I would have pegged you more for an exotic dancer type, you have such a talent for that." Morgan gasped, apparently Santana didn't get enough sass in her adult life.

"My skills aren't put to waste, I give Britt all the private shows she wants," Santana said. She still didn't wince at sexual insults.

"You should really dance for more people, Snix, I hate to think that I'm the only one who gets to see you're amazingness," Brittany said as the waiter served them their various soups and sandwiches. Eagerly, they all dug into their food, Sebastian silently hiding a remark about the dances that Santana had given to him.

Eventually, sitting next to Santana became too much to bear. He slipped off to the bathroom to cool himself down.

He needed a release. He needed to get Santana alone, and there was one way he knew how. He pulled out a pen and paper from his pocket and wrote a note for Santana, which he slipped into her purse when he sat down again.

Sebastian remembered their first encounter vividly.

_He had slipped a note into her brad during their duel. He figured she'd find it there pretty quick. Still, he hoped that she would come alone and not with her annoying glee club friends. But he really shouldn't have worried. She was too much of an independent woman to bring someone with her. And there was no way that she wasn't going to come. _

_"I see you got my message," he said when he saw her walk past in the parking garage. _

_"Either that or I've just happen to have some very important business in my school's parking back parking lot at 10 o'clock pm."_

_"I knew you wouldn't be able to resist coming," he said as he began to walk towards her._

_"I can resist all I want. I just wanted to make sure you weren't going to make some sick profession of love after I killed you at the duel today." He walked within inches of her, daring her to back up. _

_"I wouldn't say love," his hands trailed down her thigh, "we both know we're both hopelessly homosexual," his other hand pulled her hair away from her ear, "rather, a feeling of... lust." He had been around enough of the Dalton mom's to know he was attractive to ladies, and he knew exactly how to turn someone on. _

_"I don't know if you're aware but I have a girlfriend-"_

_"Doesn't matter to me."_

_"-and I have no intention of cheating on her just because you have a craving for some lady flesh." She pushed him away._

_"Why not? I hear from the grapevine you've cheated on every boy you've ever been attached to. Why not give it a go? Is it because I'm gay? Because that would be fairly hypocritical of you."_

_"You know what, if you want to be a man whore, be my guest, but I'm not going to help you indulge in your weird fantasies." She started to walk away, "I hope I never see you again." Before she had gone two steps, Sebastian was next to her again, kissing her neck and pressing into her aggressively. _

_"It's not cheating if it's just physical," his whispered in her ear._

_And with those words, he convinced her._

* * *

When Sebastian went to sleep that night, he was plagued with guilt. He shouldn't have put that note into Santana's bag. He shouldn't have gotten so worked up. He should be better by now. He had Ben. Ben had fixed him. This wasn't supposed to happen.


End file.
